One day I was having a conversation with my
mom. I told her that I was irritated
because every time I turned the shower on at the apartment, water would stream
out on the other side. When Duke
showered (my husband), he left the showerhead in a position that would make it
stream out onto the floor when the curtain was not properly closed. Then when I turned the shower on (shower
curtain pulled to the side), it would stream out all over the floor.
I vented to my mom and told her I needed to bring it
up to Duke to put the showerhead down.
My mom gave me the most mind blowing marriage advice that covers so many
areas when she said “Whitney, why don’t you just move the showerhead down
before you turn it on?” *BOOM* As soon
as she said it, I felt so dumb for not thinking of that solution myself. It seemed so obvious, but I was so focused on
what Duke was doing “wrong” and how he needed to change, that I never
considered making a change myself.
I think a lot of time in marriages and relationships
in general we tend to point out the “mistakes” our partners make more than
praise them for the things that we love that they do. We often don’t notice our constant negativity
until our partner points it out. All
they hear is “You do this wrong. You do
that wrong.” Because we are not the ones
being reprimanded, we often forget the list of wrongs we have told our partner
they are doing.
There are some things that definitely need to be
discussed. I believe even the little
things need to be discussed if you are just building up anger over them.
BUT when you can do something differently to solve
the problem (move the showerhead down, close the open cabinets, clean the
dishes in the sink, etc.), your relationship will be healthier if you just take
the extra step to do it. If it bothers
you and not the other person, I feel like it kind of falls on you to make the
change whether that be cleaning up clothes left on the floor or bringing up the
problem to your partner if it is really that big of a problem.
Also, when your partner/friend/spouse/etc. does something
that you appreciate – TELL HIM/HER! I think
it is human nature to feel the need to comment when something is wrong, but
forget to comment when something is right.
As the old saying goes “Choose your battles.” If you can make a change to solve the
problem, don’t pick up your sword and shield.
Constantly wearing battle gear sounds sweaty, tiring, and not cute anyway.
Buzz Ya Later,
Whit
